As originally published in the Food, Drink, Clothing, & A Visit newsletter, Winter 2020
The thought of “no hope” is very troubling. The author of Proverbs told us that when hope is absent — or even delayed — our hearts grow sick. In modern terms, the absence of hope can lead to discouragement, clinical depression, and even suicide.
There are very few situations in which there is “no hope.” One of the missions of our ministry is bringing hope to a population where hope can be in short supply. In many cases, and in a very real sense, much of this hope-lessness comes from a sense of regret, both for the actions and for the consequences that brought us to this point.
As real as this is, I can tell you with total certainty:
There is absolutely no hope for a better PAST.
Nothing we wish; nothing we do; nothing we try; nothing we regret; nothing we dream; nothing we learn; nothing is going to change the PAST. In any way.
This truth can be life-changing if we allow it. I don’t remember exactly when I first heard this statement, but I do know it utterly changed my outlook. I cannot change anything from the past. All I can influence is RIGHT NOW, and in so doing, I can generate a better future for myself and those in my sphere of influence. So, the trick is to stop focusing on that which there is no hope of ever changing, and focus only on that which I CAN influence.
As I was preparing to write these thoughts, I overheard a man talking as I walked around Walmart. He said to his friend, “I keep telling myself over and over, ‘What I should have done is …’” and he went on. I thought, “What a sad waste of time!” He keeps “telling himself” over and over, “I should’ve done this, or I should’ve done that.” That poor man is NEVER going to be able to go back and do (or undo) whatever it is he thinks, in retrospect, that he “should’ve done” (or “not done) — no matter how many times he tells himself that.
Can you imagine the state of his mental health? Rather than focusing on the best thing to do today that will make the tomorrow he dreams of, he is focusing on the past! And there is NO HOPE of changing his past to make it better. So, not only is it a waste of time, it is a negative use of time because that misdirected mental energy is literally taking him away from the present and future he could have.
Think of where this man’s future is going. I can just imagine him saying off in the future, “I keep telling myself over and over that what I should’ve done is stop telling myself over and over what I should have done!”
I have found that the guys I did time with who were most successful were those who had come to peace with the fact that their pasts could not be changed and were setting out to make the best present and future possible.
I wrote about four of these men in the previous newsletter (see Fall, 2019 “10 Years; 4 Men; 1 Word”). That article generated more responses than any previous article we have published. Those replies were gratifying and blessed me deeply. The reality is, those men — and so many others who blessed my life during my five years down — accepted that their pasts could not be changed. Not only that, they spent time and energy making positive impacts on their own and others’ futures!
The implications and applications of this truth are widespread. I personally am looking for ways to influence change in the criminal justice system because those in charge of “administering ‘justice’” must realize that there is absolutely no hope for a better past. No matter HOW MANY YEARS an offender is sentenced to serve, it will NOT change what we did or the damage we caused. The only thing we can influence is the future.
Victims and survivors can be encouraged to understand that no matter how much they desire justice or revenge, there is absolutely no hope for a better past. We desire healing, grace, and love in their lives so they can move ahead into positive and bright futures.
The twin demons of guilt and shame work hard to influence our thinking and negatively impact our present and future. Guilt and shame are backward-looking emotions that dream about a “better past” in which we make better decisions, in which other people make better decisions, in which problems don’t come our way, and in which outcomes of situations are different.
I do this when I watch one of my favorite movies, Valkyrie. No matter how many times I watch it, and no matter how well I know the historical facts that inspired it, I still find myself hoping for a different outcome. I know it’s irrational. I know it’s not going to happen. But still, I wish for a better past!
What would happen if we took the same energy we put into wishing for a better past toward helping define and build a better future — both for ourselves, individually, and for others within our spheres of influence?
I have been so blessed and excited by stories men shared with me as they replied to the previous article.
Just before Christmas, an incarcerated brother in Texas wrote me,
As we enter the holiday season, a lot goes on inside the hearts of men. Depression, hate, suicide, and other hurtful things seem to always hit inmates the hardest. We as a family of brothers need to come together and keep watch on those around us. To reach a hand out to them and offer them some real love. Please do not be afraid to encourage someone and offer a ear to their need. It is here that we have the chance to show off Jesus Christ to them.
It is about love and a Savior that came to us to save us, heal us, and to be there with us through every day of our life. He is the example of a selfless giving of love to everyone. He never turned away a sick person. He taught everyone who came to Him. We need to do the very same thing and be there for the men and women in prison and extend that same love to them.
He gets it — and I know from testimonies of those around him — he practices it! He doesn’t spend time wallowing in guilt, shame, regret, and longing for a better past. He is actively working toward a better future for those around him!
A man in Arizona wrote:
The latest Thanksgiving newsletter truly gave me cause to be ashamed of myself by thinking so little of others and their plight. Even though the world has been so greatly reduced in my view, there may be many inside with me who are not doing okay. As there be many outside who wish they could eat 3 times a day. So yes, your last quarterly newsletter helped wake me up from myself.
A revitalized gratitude and focus on others around us is a great way to stop looking in the rear-view mirror wishing for a better past and to start making the world a better place by making better futures for ourselves and others.
One man wrote me about recovering from a shoulder surgery with the help and assistance of inmates around him. He said he’d have never made it without their love and support:
One of the things I’ve learned over my time in here is, ‘Do I want to be right or do I want to be free?’ I thought I was so perfect when I came to prison and now I have become a humble servant for God. God does for me what I cannot do for myself having a few close friends helps when you only have one arm at the moment. They make my bed, cook food and keep me well fed. You name it. God brought us together to grow.
One big thing is that I do not know what’s best for me but God does. God puts in my life what I need and removes from my life what I do not need: arrogance, greed, you name it.
The overall point of this article is this: You can be for someone else what Steve, Roger, Chuck, Chris, Jason, Rick, Tex, (another) Chris, Frank, Joseph, and a third Chris, and so many others were for me!
There is no reason to ever make anyone else’s time harder because you may be having a hard time.
What would happen if everyone reading this made someone else’s time better? What if, instead of trying to control someone’s behavior, or selfishly looking out for your own needs, we all looked to what someone else might need?
How can we do this? Let me offer one suggestion by way of an example. I’ll never forget a particularly discouraging time. One of the aforementioned “Chrisses” met me outside one morning while taking a walk. As we talked, he slipped me a bag of coffee.
It was a most thoughtful, welcome gesture on his part, and it meant the world to me. He brightened my day, and made a lasting impact on my life and ministry because he cared enough to meet me with a kind expression of love.
Those kinds of outward-looking focus can change a person’s life — and I promise you: It will change your life when you decide not to “look only on your own things, but also on the things of others,” as Paul said in Philippians.
I like what Eric Capaci said:
“God does not want you to be downcast. Don’t keep looking at the regrets behind you, the problems around you, and the sin within you. Rather, lift up your head and see the help above you. Walk with your head held high, and your eyes fixed on Him.”
No, friends, there is “Absolutely NO HOPE for a Better Past” — but there is every reason to hope and work for better futures. There are many things we can do today to make those happen for ourselves and others in our lives. Let us make it so!